Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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