Are we in a gay sports bar?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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