There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
