I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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