this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
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She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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