Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
