Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize