I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I enjoy the company of your penis
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
