The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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