There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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