Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
