I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Jerry, you need to find god
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
