I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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