Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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