You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
