if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
