If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Randomize
