The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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