It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
