Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
