I am midnight drunk by noon
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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