it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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