thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
