I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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