Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Randomize
