So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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