i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I cut my penus on the lid.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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