The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
