I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
