Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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