plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
you would pick up someone in the library
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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