census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
