I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
