all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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