She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
