I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize