I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
