whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
