where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I need to sanitize my soul.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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