I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
