Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
