haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
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