Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
