Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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