there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize