i wish my penis had a tongue
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
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