As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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