Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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