I just saw a hot homeless man
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
