"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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