guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Randomize
