Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
