At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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