I accidentally had phone sex last night
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
