if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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