I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize