if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
