So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
