thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
