i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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