The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
