The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
