My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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