Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
