My liver just broke up with me...
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
