maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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