life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
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