I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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