I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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