K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
