You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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