Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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