just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
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You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
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I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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